You are SALAMANDER KEVIN, a sad and freaky high schooler with a mental illness that makes you exude bad vibes and bad luck. You truly believe you are cursed because you cannot fathom how someone like you can be naturally unfortunate as you are. You can't remember a time your mental illness didn't hit you over the head and rub your face in the dirt. People seem to think you're a funny guy once they get past the fact you're clinically insane. You guess being mentally ill comes with the "emo" label you gave to yourself at the ripe age of twelve. It all went downhill from there, you fear.

Nowadays you sit behind your desk-less computer and spend your days online. It's sad to think you will be a teacher one day!